My thoughts

I usually try to not rant on my blog for the most part, BUT I feel I need to today. I have so many things that are on my mind that I should probably keep to myself but I can't, anyways no one reads this anyways, right?! First things first is my issues with postpartum, I am not one of these people who pretend things are perfect and say nothing when things are not. I have since the babies have been born had some issues with postpartum and I am seeking help for it, BUT when certain people (my brother) thinks it is something that is in your head and just a reason to have medication. "You wanted these children for soooo long" is what I hear, well YES I did and do but I can not help what is in my head!!! Feeling these feelings does not make me love them and feel blessed to have them any less!!!! Like I want to feel this way, HELLO.

The issue is deeper then just the postpartum, I have seen therapists for years, to many to count. It is something I just know I need. To have to be on medications to balance yourself is nothing to be ashamed of, I am not sure if it is because I was born this way or things in my past has put me here but whatever the reason I am proud of myself that I seek the help I need to be a positive person. Not to many people would talk about this stuff but one of my closest friends wrote a story about her issues with postpartum for school and was so raw and honest it inspired me. There is no shame in admiting when one needs help and thats all I have to say about that issue.

My other issue is that I live so far from all my friends that I feel very lonely sometimes, Evie is in Arizona, Wendy in Cerritos, Jennifer in Long Beach etc......everyone has their children and their lives but I just wish we could make more time for each other!!!! I am very lucky to have Vicki, she is 1o minutes from me and I love her to death. I just know I need to find a church we can really be grounded in and make friends there. We have been so set back by what happened at Calvary Phelan that we have not found another church to go to. It is something that is on our minds constantly and we feel it in our everyday lives. My friend Vicki has a church she grew up going to but does not go very often but has said she will take us when we can go with everyone, but there is the issue of us not wanting Abby in a class but with us so I guess we shall just go and make it work, I know it will!!

Well I think I have said enough today, I do feel good getting it off my chest.

Easter

Here is the egg hunt........Abbys first.

It was so hot that as soon as everyone saw the babies in their Easter outfits they took their outfits off. Here is daddy loving on his big boy.

Abby changed too, she was so excited that my mom bought her a big kit with all Dora the Explorer games for outside.

I am so mad at myself, with everything I had to do and unpack I did not get a picture of the three kids in their outfits, but I am thankful I got their pictures taken in them and I am just waiting for them to come in.

Here is my brother and sister-in-law feeding Freddy, geez I really did not get alot of great pictures this year bummer!!!

Coloring eggs....

Here is Abby after putting her stickers on her eggs, her kit came with a crown she loved it!

There whole family in this photo.........

Abby and mommy

Abby and daddy.............


What a big girl, it was so fun she was really into it this year.

She has the best daddy ever, he did everything with her while I handles the babies. They really are best buddies!!!!

Easter Bunny

This is the babies waiting in line, this is the first time we have taken them out except for Dr. appointments. They did great!

This is Abby girl, she was patient as well because she knew when we were done we would be going to eat at McDonalds and play at the mall playground.

It was funny because as soon as the Easter Bunny saw Abby and the big smile on her face he got up and came to give her a big hug, she was excited!

So Here is the end result, I love the picture except you can barely see Freddy in the picture but the one we bought you can see him pretty good. I think it was a good day!!!!

SNOW..........

The other day I ran to the grocery store and Abe calls me and tells me to look outside and it was snowing so bad,I started to panic!!!! I have never driven in the snow and was scared to death, so after running thru the store forgetting 1/2 of what I needed I got on the road and drove like 10 miles a hr. When I arrived home I just ran inside and got Abby all bundled up and took her outside to see the snow and to build a snowball. I think we lasted about 5 minutes it was toooooo cold. But she really loved it so we brought it inside with us and let it melt there in the kitchen.

I loved this picture of the playground covered with snow, I love the cold weather and to have a fire going and to see the snow fall, there is nothing better!!

I had to take this picture of Abes work car because I think he had just washed it, LOL This is one of the great things about loving out here is that we do get to see snow and I love it!!!!!!

More pictures of the kids..........

Here is Abby the night we got home from Disneyland, her daddy bought her all the princess phones and she feel asleep talking on it. How sweet is she. Like it was not enough stuff in her bed, she has to have all her favorite books that she reads for hours and now phones.....LOL. I have to wait until she falls alseep and then go take it all out of her bed. But I love it!!!

Now here are the twins, Maddy happy and Freddy sad because all he wants to do is eat and sleep. It is amazing the boy was 7 lbs at birth and now 7 weeks later he is over 12 lbs, LOL. Abe loves having his big boy and little girl. I think he is going to eat me out of house and home, LOL. The cost I spend on formula is unreal!!!


Now here is my big boy asleep in their crib, so peaceful!!!!!!



Here is my Maddy girl, I walked in and found her with her fingers in her mouth and thought she was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. I think she will be a thumb sucker like I was because she is always sucking on her hands trying to get fingers in there.




And finally the two of them as cute as can be, both calm for the moment LOLOL. They really are great babies. Freddy ate and went to sleep at 8:00pm and did not wake up until 7:00am this morning, crazy!!! But of course Maddy was up and did not want to burp or sleep so I was up with her for couple hours. It's funny how much they have changed me and my thinking. I am much more relaxed this time around......thank goodness or I would lose my mind.

Disneyland.......

Well we finally took Abby to Disneyland and our friends met us there. We all had such a fun time, except that it was like a summer day with the crowds!!! That was not fun but we made the best of it and I am so glad we went and Abby was able to share that day with her friends that are her age and are as excited as she was. It was a great day!!!!!!

13 years..........

Well today we have been married 13 years and I have never been happier. I think back on the day we met and I feel like it was yesterday. Both of us never expected to find love at that time but we did and we fell hard!! I have always felt that he is my soul mate and I am so blessed to have a husband like him. He is the most loving, caring, and understanding man, not to mention the best father ever!!!! I could go on and on but I will just say I love you babe and look forward to many more years of laughing, crying and always knowing I have a soft place to land which means the world, so thank you!!!!