I usually try to not rant on my blog for the most part, BUT I feel I need to today. I have so many things that are on my mind that I should probably keep to myself but I can't, anyways no one reads this anyways, right?! First things first is my issues with postpartum, I am not one of these people who pretend things are perfect and say nothing when things are not. I have since the babies have been born had some issues with postpartum and I am seeking help for it, BUT when certain people (my brother) thinks it is something that is in your head and just a reason to have medication. "You wanted these children for soooo long" is what I hear, well YES I did and do but I can not help what is in my head!!! Feeling these feelings does not make me love them and feel blessed to have them any less!!!! Like I want to feel this way, HELLO.
The issue is deeper then just the postpartum, I have seen therapists for years, to many to count. It is something I just know I need. To have to be on medications to balance yourself is nothing to be ashamed of, I am not sure if it is because I was born this way or things in my past has put me here but whatever the reason I am proud of myself that I seek the help I need to be a positive person. Not to many people would talk about this stuff but one of my closest friends wrote a story about her issues with postpartum for school and was so raw and honest it inspired me. There is no shame in admiting when one needs help and thats all I have to say about that issue.
My other issue is that I live so far from all my friends that I feel very lonely sometimes, Evie is in Arizona, Wendy in Cerritos, Jennifer in Long Beach etc......everyone has their children and their lives but I just wish we could make more time for each other!!!! I am very lucky to have Vicki, she is 1o minutes from me and I love her to death. I just know I need to find a church we can really be grounded in and make friends there. We have been so set back by what happened at Calvary Phelan that we have not found another church to go to. It is something that is on our minds constantly and we feel it in our everyday lives. My friend Vicki has a church she grew up going to but does not go very often but has said she will take us when we can go with everyone, but there is the issue of us not wanting Abby in a class but with us so I guess we shall just go and make it work, I know it will!!
Well I think I have said enough today, I do feel good getting it off my chest.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
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1 comment:
Hey Jules, I just want you to know I will keep you and your struggles right now in my prayers. I have seen you come such a long way since our days in high school and I am so proud of who I see today and the great mother, wife, and friend you are. I hope you find a church that helps to fill your heart and soul with the peace and mending you need from God.
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